Today and the days to come will only mirror the trauma of yesterday. While many of us are working diligently to remain steadfast and our respective lanes, it gets painful and much harder to act as if what is happening around us does not impact us. It is the very opposite, the experiences that are taking place have a direct impact on us. I write the aforementioned to say, "Black people, it is okay to not be okay!"

Many of us out taught from an early age to be strong, to be resilient, to have compassion, to 'turn the other cheek,' and to focus on what matters. Well, I am here to say that "You matter!" You having a place and purpose in a society that has condemned us for decades does mean that you are allowed to have that low moment. Feeling and embracing the pain of our ancestors does not make you weak, an outcast, or less humane. Our parents and mentors teaching us to be strong in moments in time of calamity is the doctrine of hate that was forced upon our ancestors who were only 'good for their labor.' You see, they were not "permitted" to embrace their pain as their worth and overall value was only measured by the labor that they could provide. Hundreds of years of pain and oppression has been birthed into us. This means that what is not normal to the majority is natural to us- the minority.

Please don't interpret this post to come from a place of unawareness and non preparedness. Many times we are in conflict with our personality and our spirit. Our personality is what we display to the world, while our unabashed spirit is a direct connection to the universe. With that, one speaks to the world while the other is the universe speaking to us. This morning, my spirit spoke to me. I am one of eight Blacks employed at my institution. I have been working from my office due to the resources that I need to complete certain tasks are in-office. While in the common space, I noticed an unfamiliar face who I am sure noticed me in my sweatpants and t shirt. My spirit would not allow me to continue with working. I reached out to my boss via Skype and asked her to make campus police aware that I was working from the office. Of course, she was perplexed as to why I would now request such a thing. I plainly and diplomatically as I know how let her know that my presence as a Black man needs to be anticipated by campus police. After an uncomfortable exchange for her, she agreed, but ultimately I told her I would walk to the station with my ID to let them know who I was and where I working from. The building was locked, and no one come to the door. I resulted to emailing the Director of Public Safety- with a photo copy of my staff ID- and copying my boss with the request that he alert his staff of my presence on campus. He replied with a "Call me if you are free." The conversation was led with him being a martyr for all things aware and not against Black men.

I say this to say that in that moment I could only weep for myself and those who have lost their lives due to racism. Being a son to a mother who was a civil rights activist and a father who overcame the obstacles Black men faced in the deep South, I have accepted that it is okay to not be okay. I can feel and embrace the hurt and the pain that comes along with the thought that "I could be next." Its okay to have the capacity to not be within capacity.